Maul of America

The Other White Meat

Today, Marc Lamont Hill wrote "The 15 Most Overrated White People" in order "to honor the true spirit of Columbus Day" by creating his own "list of overrated white people. Of course, this list is not exhaustive, as there are countless other White people who are equally underwhelming."

While I disagree with Dr. Hill on most things, he's a generally interesting and entertaining individual (this article notwithstanding). 

So, to help a brother out, here is MY better list of 15 OVERRATED White People:

1. Keith Olbermann
   As unwatchable as he is unwatched.
   
   
2. Zack Galifianakis
   The person Ira Levin had in mind when he wrote the character of the husband in "Rosemary's Baby."
   
   
3. Charlie Chaplin
   He seemed to need the audience to love him in EVERY movie he made.
   
   
4. Bruce Springsteen
   I get it, I get it. Bruce is a pissed off blue-collar worker.
   
   
5. Gary Cooper
   As an actor, he was a mediocrity NOT a minimalist.
   
   
6. Wayne Gretzky
   How would Gretzky have done if he played in a world where the entire National Hockey League didn't conspire to NOT hit him?  I'll answer that: not as well.
   
   
7. Greta Garbo
   To me, the mystery of Garbo was why anyone cared.
   
   
8. Howard Stern
   By doing American Idol, he's become the type of celebrity he used to mock.
   
   
9. Mel Brooks
   Mel's a funny guy.  But AFI award material, really?
   
   
10. Conan O'Brien
    A little of "Team Coco" goes a LOOOOONG way.
    
    
11. Julia Roberts
    She's got that crazy laugh, zzzzz.
    
    
12. Lenny Bruce
    A true icon for free speech. But, I defy anyone to get through one of his old albums. Dustin Hoffman was funnier pretending to be Lenny Bruce.
    
    
13. Everyone Involved With M.A.S.H. The TV Show
    War is hell. Yes, we know.
    
    
14. Lucille Ball
    Okay, there's the chocolate factory scene, the "Vitameatavegamin" speech, and that's about it.
    
    
15. Mike Myers
    The "Mike" Myers who slaughters people while wearing a white William Shatner mask is just as funnny.

No Fun League

In case anyone's interested, "fakesweep.com" is still available.  META!

From Network World:

"Super Bowl super bust: US seizes 307 websites; grabs $4.8M in fake NFL merchandise

...the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency said special agents this week seized a total of 307 websites and snatched up 42,692 items of phony Super Bowl-related memorabilia along with other counterfeit items for a total take of more than $4.8 million - up from $3.72 million last year.

Sixteen of the sites the agency shut down during this operation known as Fake Sweep, were illegally streaming live sporting telecasts over the Internet, including NFL games. Two hundred ninety-one website domain names were illegally selling and distributing counterfeit merchandise, ICE stated."

Save Ferris

A teaser video has hit the webosphere hinting that Matthew Broderick will use a Super Bowl ad as a vehicle to reprise (sorta) his Ferris Bueller character.  

One can only hope that's all it is.

From Time:

If the report holds, that would mean that the Super Bowl’s millions of viewers could find themselves staring at commercials starring a graying Ferris Bueller in a Hangover-addled 30-second plot line that involves the character careening around in Honda vehicles. Sounds par for the course for Bowl ads — meaning, it might be surreally fun.

Sour Berries

Based on Saturday's performance, it's amazing that Detroit Lions defender Aaron Berry can hold onto his cellphone long enough to tweet.

From Fox Sports Detroit:

"Berry — who had a potential momentum-shifting interception slip through his fingertips, his arms, then his legs — had this to say on his account @LockDown717, presumably in response to a rash of negative Twitter feedback thrown his way:

'Y'all can go back to being Broke & Miserable...now back to regular scheduled programming...'

...He then attempted to recant his incendiary comment by deleting the first tweet and publishing these two:

'I apologize to my loyal fans for my tweet...jus disgusting how ppl can get when they don't know nothin at all...'

Followed by:

'Now y'all making it seem like I was talking to all the fans in Detroit...boy y'all funny...Have a blessed night!!!' "

What the Font?

Nothing says "I'm really pissed off" like a typeface used in cartoon talk bubbles.

From The Wall Street Journal:

LeBron and the Revenge of Comic Sans

Lost in the vitriol over the letter Dan Gilbert wrote to Cleveland Cavaliers fans Thursday night is the counter-vitriol from tech geeks about the type of font he used — the dreaded Comic Sans.

Gilbert, the Cavaliers’ majority owner, wrote an angry letter on the team’s website after LeBron James’s nationally televised announcement that he was leaving the team. It cited what he called James’s “cowardly betrayal” of the team and called the TV event a “narcissistic, self-promotional build-up.”

The open letter from Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert to Cleveland fans, written in Comic Sans.For whatever reason, all 421 words of the screed were written in the less-than-intimidating Comic Sans font. This fact is already on the Comic Sans Wikipedia page and it was all over Twitter shortly after Gilbert’s letter was published. A Tweet from Jsmooth995 decried Gilbert’s choice, saying “nobody who posts official statements in Comic Sans MS should be running an NBA team.”

The OTHER Mistake by the Lake

A perfect use for this song from the boys at Tabloid T-Shirts:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUL1cLE8u7A]

The Vuvuzela is Verboten

My sentiments exactly.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVha0GkU-28]

The Voice of Summer

In his 1974 autobiography, "Me and the Spitter," major league pitcher Gaylord Perry noted that when on the road, he would actually scout opposing batters (their strengths, weaknesses, tendencies, etc.) by listening to Ernie Harwell broadcasts. That speaks volumes.

Godspeed Ernie.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vGEcx4RSZU]

Say "Mommie"

I'm posting this classic ESPN "SportsCenter" ad featuring Gordie Howe as a display solidarity for the Detroit Red Wings who lost to the Sharks last night. I forgot that Keith Olbermann was Mr. Hockey's victim. BONUS!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE2L69wGMqE]

Cold Stones Are Cool

If the films nominated for Academy Awards in 2010 were Olympic sports, figure skating—full of sights, sounds, and lots of media attention—would be Avatar, the halfpipe—entertaining and edgy—Inglourious Basterds, and hockey—an unglamorous study in grinding perseverance—The Hurt Locker. For Americans, curling wouldn’t appear until “The Best Animated Short” category: "A Matter of Loaf and Death" starring Wallace and Gromit.

One of the noteworthy, albeit minor, stories coming out of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver was some unexpectedly positive murmuring about curling. The genuine curiosity exhibited about the sport could very well be a precursor for more mainstream American interest. U.S. team captain John Shuster expressed satisfaction that Vancouver had helped to put curling “on the map.” Of course, a lot of the attention curling received this year was due to things having nothing to do with the sport itself. Such as the tittering over the Norwegian team’s garishly patterned pants. So, it remains to be seen if curling has the potential to attain more than hacky sack-like fad status in the U.S.

I’ve never set foot on a curling surface myself but I’ve been a closet fan for years. Although, I didn’t realize I was in the closet or that such a closet even existed.

Read the Full Post at The House Next Door...